WWE: FastLane PPV preview and predictions

Scott Keith

WWE: FastLane PPV preview and predictions image

Man, my mailbox is just burning up with people eager to discuss this Sunday's spectacular event!  I think I actually had one whole e-mail about it!  Let's hit the mailbag!

"Sign up for the WWE Network for February and watch an ALL-NEW WWE ppv for free!! FAST LANE!!!!!!!!!"

First off who the hell comes up with these HORRIBLE ppv names? If WCW had one thing over WWE it was the names of their big shows. Battleground, Payback, Fast Lane. Except for the name, there is nothing "ALL-NEW" about these shows.

I see no way possible that Sunday's show doesn't become the least bought ppv of all time.

Hey now, one of the TNA "One Night Only" shows featuring an all-women's lineup did something like 10 buys domestically (although that might be giving it too much credit) so I don't think even this clunker is going to challenge that record.  The new record low for WWE now stands at 39,000 buys, for TLC 2014, for those keeping track. Which apparently is not the investors driving the WWE stock up.

Ummm, any more discussion of the show in the mailbag?  No?  OK, let's preview this sucker.  Because apparently it's happening this Sunday.  

Main Event:  Rusev v. John Cena for the US title

So the issue here, for those who can follow the WWE's awesome storytelling, is that John Cena is old and washed up at 37 and he now doubts himself, like Rocky in Rocky III.  This of course goes against the obvious storyline that they had been building for a year now, which would have been John Cena fighting for America like Rocky in Rocky IV.  This also goes against all logic and history, which says that John Cena easily overcomes all adversity thrown his way and shrugs off things like getting beaten into Silly Putty by Brock Lesnar at Summerslam.  Why is he suddenly portrayed as old and beat up? Because Vince McMahon has now decided that he is old and beat up and Roman Reigns is the wave of the future, whether we like it or not. We'll get to that in a second. Clearly no one cares about the US title enough to expect a title change here, because putting the belt on Cena would be a huge waste of both Cena and the title. It's all just leading to a Wrestlemania rematch anyway and they're not even being subtle about it.  

Official Prediction:  Cena wins by DQ or countout or something screwy enough to justify another match.  Rusev beats him up to retain his heat so that no one gets over.

 

Winner gets Brock Lesnar at Wrestlemania: Daniel Bryan v. Roman Reigns

The justification behind this match, even though Reigns already won the Royal Rumble, is that the Authority said so.  So there.  In reality the company is waffling on the Roman Reigns super-push, BADLY, and this is their final chance to hit the reset button on it and put Bryan in the Wrestlemania main event instead.  Current word to those who handle Wrestlemania advertising is that the main event will end up a three-way match, just like last year, with Bryan v. Reigns v. Lesnar.  However, the difference this time is that the storyline has been mishandled so badly that Bryan is significantly cooled off compared to the same time last year. Really, there's no reason for fans to get behind either uncool Reigns or whiny Bryan. Had Bryan been left out of the Rumble and then returned to claim the title he never lost, they would have something, but Bryan entered the Royal Rumble and lost fair and square.  He has no claim on the title shot and both guys have been stuck in an endless feud with Kane and Big Show since January while the creative team spins their wheels trying to figure out what exactly the story behind the match is.  It's along the lines of "they don't like each other because something something the internet" and we're supposed to fill in the blanks ourselves, I guess.  One thing is clear: Reigns is not ready for the position he's being thrust into and putting him in there with the biggest babyface that the WWE has to offer is not going to help his case any.  Putting him in there to die in the main event of Wrestlemania is going to be something to behold and might destroy any chance he has of getting to where they want him. But hey, apparently Vince knows best.

Official Prediction:  Big Show knocks both guys out so that both are losers heading into Wrestlemania, and it's a double DQ.  Michael Cole then tells us how big that Big Show is, and how you really have to see him live to appreciate it.  

 

Verbal Confrontation: HHH v. Sting

So yeah, this isn't actually a match, it's HHH calling out Sting to talk, which will in turn set up a match at Wrestlemania. They used to call those "angles" and they'd run them on TV. It's a different business now, I guess.

Official Prediction: The more that Sting does and says, the less people will care about him.

 

Bad News Barrett v. Dean Ambrose for the Intercontinental title

Ambrose hasn't won a match on PPV in nearly a year.  Barrett is something like 1-13 since winning the title from Dolph Ziggler in December.  This is a real barn-burner, as you can tell. Ambrose's motivation is that he wants to actually win the title, although given the bad luck charm (pardon the pun) that the belt has become, god knows why he want that thing.  

Official Prediction:  Ambrose forgets to tie his shoelaces, trips on them on the way to the ring and knocks himself out, Barrett retains.  They have a rematch at Wrestlemania because otherwise they would have 5:00 of dead air where the title match was supposed to be on the pre-game show.

 

Nikki Bella v. Paige for the Divas title

This was set up by the Bella Twins stealing Paige's ring outfit on RAW and probably has something to do with Total Divas.  I'm starting to find it hard to care about this portion of the card, to be honest.  

Official Prediction:  The girls of NXT watch this match on the Network and laugh at how Paige is being wasted.

 

The Usos v. Cesaro & Tyson Kidd for the tag team titles

I think Tyson Kidd is still on my Facebook list, so hopefully he wins.  I wouldn't hold my breath, though.  Granted, they're all just keeping the title warm for the Ascension...BWAHAHAHAHAH!  Sorry, couldn't even finish that sentence without cracking up at the very thought.  

Official Prediction: A bunch of people go get nachos during this one.  

 

So there you go!  A list of predictions almost as in-depth and thoughtful as the people who write the TV show. And I probably pay about as much attention to the current product as they do, as well.  My recommendation is to watch the NXT: Rival special again instead of this, but they could still surprise me, I suppose.  At least it probably won't be any worse than Royal Rumble, and isn't that the important thing?

  

Scott Keith

Scott Keith Photo

Scott Keith is the overlord of Scott's Blog of Doom at www.blogofdoom.com, and has authored 5 books on pro wrestling, now available on Amazon and in discount bins near you! He lives in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan with his wife and ridiculously cute daughter.